Kia Ora to all our Wellington members!

I hope you are all keeping warm as it is starting to get a little chilly. Thank you for everyone who has renewed their membership so far, please let me know if you need help with forms or if anything is going on for you that prevents you from completing the membership process, I am always here to help 😊

I have been having conversation with members who are experiencing different challenges, such as being asked questions about their health, being given unsolicited advice, being told explicitly or implicitly that they are not trying hard enough to get better, having their issues minimised in inappropriate ways…..These words can be deeply hurtful and damaging to self-esteem, and many of us refrain from saying anything, feeling powerless to challenge these intrusive (even though sometimes well meaning) questions. The burden of saying nothing can actually be very heavy to carry, and this is why is very important to start developing assertiveness when situations like these pop up.

I find that having a set of phrases we can say out loud can be helpful, so here’s the list:

-What you said was hurtful

-I’d prefer not to discuss my health

-When you tell me why I should be grateful, it makes me feel bad

-You’re not hearing me

-I know you are giving me advice, because you mean well, but I hear a lot of advice and it’s a very difficult subject for me

-You are talking from a place of limited knowledge, as this is my lived experience, it is frustrating to be told that I’m doing things wrong

-Thank you for trying to help, can we switch topics now

-I know you mean well, but what you said was offensive

If you have any other phrases or tips, I would love to hear them! Assertiveness can be challenging, and like with anything else, it is always helpful to practice. So please feel free to practice with me during our next conversation 😊

I hope you all have a wonderful month of May, and I’m really looking forward to catching up with all of you either at the meetings, or appointments.

Luisa